Tonight is such a bliss after last night's anxiety attack...yes, it follows not just during race but also during vacation.
Tonight is lighter, last night ; i thought i was going to die.
Triggered by migraine at late noon it lasts until morning, so yeah i didn't sleep that much even on holiday.
Also...it's a personal battle. My close ones didn't even realize I was struggling.
After years of experiencing it, i could never get used to it.
Every attack feels like the first time.
The healing techniques work tho' such as breathwork and grounding.
But its not in a split second, after suffering the phase of dying and to conclude it by acceptance and surrender, then it goes away gradually.
The tactical method alone doesn't work.
Most of the time, I have to accept 'death' and be at peace with it, then it slowly subsides.
I want to hate my anxiety.
I do, i truly do.
But then i realize, it's the very thing that keeps me alive.
The readiness to die, gives me strength to 'live' before it's all gone.
It is also what keeps me alert during my ultra trail marathon. I could stay awake and vigilant throughout the race.
I'm still getting used to it, still greeting it like a dear guest, every time it comes to visit.
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