Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost : The Road Not Taken -
Shadow work my love...it is the road less travelled due to its intensity.
A beautiful path and worthy journey nonetheless.
Its true Shadow work can be dangerous, mistakenly internalizing trauma, over sensationalizing suffering and identifying with shadow self due to bypassing ego death process can be disastrous.
Shadow work requires Ego death, dark night of the soul and tower moments. These can be excruciatingly painful because every steps of this journey you have to walk alone.
Shadow work is when you are completely isolated and having a ruthless existential crisis.
Its like you're awake in a pitch black tunnel with no light and the end of the tunnel seems endless.
But what most people do not realize is that, its steps are easy.
Its...one foot after another. In this case, its one foot before another, like that Christopher Nolan movie ; Tenet.
Going reverse while moving forward simultaneously, that's Shadow Work.
As an analogy : you have a chaotic marriage life. Disagreements, power play, guilt trip and blame shifting is a common occurrence in your household.
Doing shadow work is facing your own demon. Sans denial, accept that ; you're a horrible person. Your spouse is actually your teacher regardless of how many proof that they're the one who triggers and provokes the conflict at home.
Once you accept yourself. Its the beginning of an unconditional self love. Also the beginning of Ego Death. Whereby all your dreams are senseless, all your achievement is meaningless.
This is when things gets harder, more question arises, more shadow self emerges. You're beginning to fight with your own self but you also realizing that you operates in 3 way : the mind (Ego) the heart (Intuition) the body (Belief + Action).
You will experience the 'dark night of the soul'. The loneliest moment in your life. This is when faith to God plays and a mandatory role. Wrong move this process may lead to suicidal thoughts. And i warn you. It is NOT a one time occurrence. It can be repeated over and over, it can be duplicate, it can multiply even. Its an ongoing process as long as you're alive. That is why spiritual should be the biggest part of our morale.
And then when you successfully overcome the dark night of the soul, came Tower moments. Its when you make decision based on the new understanding and awareness you gained. This is when you make changes that nobody else understand. You'll lose friends (you get from being your previous shadow self-not a exactly a loss), you might even estranged from your family.
At this point, you may be thinking "nope, polite pass. Im comfortable where i am"
I understand.
Its a choice to be awaken or to remain dormant.
Its not a win or lose game.
Its just that, if you actually choose this path.
You'll live your life with Awareness.
You'll realize your God.
You'll live the remaining of your life, with no suffering. Just hardship, but not suffering.
Your burden will be lighten, you'll walk through life light as a feather.
You smile genuinely, you see others as your own mirror - light. As in weight and brightness.
Walk through shadow work, and you live your life in Authenticity.
Not in competition with others, not trying to get to the next onto the next onto the next that eventually lead you to a lost cause.
Not focusing on hustling rather just being. Slow morning becomes apart of your routine. Sickness comes as exercise and trouble arrives as advantages.
That's what you'll get by doing shadow work.
So, where do we start?
Easy.
Take a deep look at the things or people you hated.
Like personally for me, i hate. I hate waiting. Im a type of person who do not go down without a fight even while waiting.
I would wail, complaint, seeks a type of oracle, asking around at uncalled times, i grunt, i become very restless.
Why? I do not usually get a quiet peaceful moments when i was little. Even when the surrounding is physically quiet, my mind isn't. It always run on survival mode of how i need to get away from the situation to survive.
My despise to a state of dormancy is caused by unfamiliarity due to a no experience of it since childhood.
The reason why i never experienced it because i have a chaotic household. Parents who fight and an propelled by alcoholism .
Thats why i recommend the method of 'Bangau oh Bangau' when doing shadow work. Because it will lead you to the source of your trauma or friction or Klesha(lets save this concept in another storytelling time)
By accepting that your parents who caused you great despair in your life as an alcoholic you came to realize that alcohol is their coping mechanism to their own trauma or klesha too.
Just like the Bangau oh bangau rhyme :
Bangau oh bangau kenapa engkau kurusMacam mana aku tak kurusIkan tidak nak timbulIkan tidak nak timbul
Ikan oh ikan kenapa kau tak timbulMacem mana aku tak timbulRumput panjang sangatRumput panjang sangat
Rumput oh rumput kenapa engkau panjangMacam mana aku tak panjangKerbau tak makan akuKerbau tak makan aku
Kerbau oh kerbau kenapa tak makan rumputMacam mana aku tak makanPerut aku sakitPerut aku sakit
Perut oh perut kenapa engkau sakitMacam mana aku tak sakitMakan nasi mentahMakan nasi mentah
Nasi oh nasi kenapa engkau mentahMacam mana aku tak mentahKayu habis basahKayu habis basah
Kayu oh kayu kenapa engkau basahMacam mana aku tak basahHujan timpa akuHujan timpa aku
Hujan oh hujan kenapa timpa kayuMacam mana aku tak timpaKatak panggil akuKatak panggil aku
Katak oh katak kenapa panggil hujanMacam mana aku tak panggilUlar nak makan akuUlar nak makan aku
Ular oh ular kenapa nak makan katakMacam mana aku tak makanMemang makanan akuMemang makanan aku.
In my own shadow work it goes like this :
Aku oh aku, kenapa engkau pemarah,
Macam mana aku tak pemarah,
Semua aku yang kena tanggung,
Semua aku yang kena tanggung.
Aku oh aku, kenapa kena tanggung semua,
Macam mana tak tanggung semua,
Lelaki tak boleh harap,
Lelaki tak boleh harap.
Aku oh aku, kenapa tak harap lelaki,
Macam mana nak harap lelaki,
Lelaki semua sama,
Lelaki semua sama.
Aku oh aku, kenapa lelaki semua sama,
Macam mana lelaki tak sama,
Semua tak bertanggungjawab,
Semua tak bertanggungjawab.
Aku oh aku kenapa lelaki semua tak bertanggungjawab,
Macam mana tak bertanggungjawab,
Macam bapa aku,
Macam bapa aku.
Aku oh aku, macam mana bapa engkau
Macam apa bapa aku,
Bapa tak jaga anak,
Bapa tak jaga anak,
Aku oh aku, kenapa bapa tak jaga anak,
Macam mana bapak nak jaga,
Bapak kuat mabuk,
Bapak kuat mabuk.
Aku oh aku, kenapa bapa kuat mabuk,
Macam mana bapak tak mabuk,
Bapak sudah ketagih,
Bapak sudah ketagih.
Aku oh aku, kenapa bapak ketagih,
Macam mana bapa tak ketagih,
Bapak rutin minum,
Bapak rutin minum.
Aku oh aku, kenapa bapa rutin minum,
Macam mana tak rutin minum,
Banyak benda nak dilupakan,
Banyak benda nak dilupakan.
Aku oh aku, kenapa bapak nak lupakan,
Macam mana tak dilupakan,
Kenangan terlalu perit,
Kenangan terlalu perit.
Aku oh aku, kenapa kenangan bapa perit
Macam mana tak perit,
Bapak yatim piatu,
Bapak yatim piatu.
Aku oh aku, kenapa bapak yatim piatu,
Macam mana tak yatim piatu,
Sudah nasib bapa,
Sudah nasib bapa.
Thats when i realized, my parents are struggling too.
But instead of doing shadow work (due to their lack of knowledge) they got lost in their shadow self : An alcoholic.
In the end. Its up to you if you want to venture towards the road less travelled.
A question need answer on your own,
Do you want to live in Awareness?
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