Naturalist

 

'She' was born before me.

I started to take interest in nature since i can remember.

Im that girl my father would call out from the back lawn if im missing from the house.

I'm the daughter that insisted on sleeping outdoors until morning when the electricity went off.

Im always the most sulky when its not my turn for forest harvesting with my dad since i always volunteer.

I'm the animal lover discovered by my father after he set a test for me and my sister on whether we should kill the monitor lizard for our food or should we let it live.

Im that girl who at 10 years old took out my little 3 wheel bicycle into the swamps area with no human inhabitants just because it was a bright sunny day.

I'm that student who went into a hole in the ground to fetch the ball and furious my teacher fearing it's a snake's nest.

And im that girl who believe about the story told by my friend that the reason why the red ants sting so bad is because they actually hide a little sword in their belly and stab us with it when it felt threatened.

As soon as i turned 17 (i was born in december, i literally took my spm while still being 16 years old)i started to look for jobs and as i moves around town i spotted a girl just about my age wearing a white tshirt with a Wildlife Expedition tour company logo.

And i thought she must be working with the animals and nature. I strive to get such jobs.

But that idea swept by as my current reality leads me to a different direction of meaningless venture.

Something happened after that and the universe kind of nudged me to get into my desired life path.

I was depressed looking for a job and just contacting anybody to help me out.

Jobless, i replace my dad on doing runs to send my brother to school.

One day i arrived home and my father said someone had been calling you many times he took the number and i called back.

It was an open interview for a tour company

I still don't know which company until i arrive and it was Wildlife expedition. My acquaintance that's been calling me was worried that i missed her call and the interview and glad i made it to the interview session.

I impressed the interviewers with a good english speech and signed in on the spot.

That was 1999.

I worked as a tourist guide and lived my dream life.

Later in 2001 we had a course for a licensed tourist guide.

Again I impressed my superiors, colleagues and the panel to a point one of my colleagues called me a 'a naturalist'

Back then a part of me felt he's being sarcastic due to jealousy on all the attention i get.

A part of me...don't quite understand what a Naturalist is.

I would rather be called a star student, an expert, best tourist guide but a naturalist is...too humble, mundane and basic to me at that time.

I stopped guiding in 2006 due marriage but resume on freelance basis up till 2010, i quit the tourism industry once and for all and had a total makeover with my life beginning 2011 by joining the public sector.

I basically just leisure through nature and not look into being specific towards it until 2016 when i climb the mt.kinabalu for the second time.

From there i started doing trips of hiking,rafting, camping, paragliding many outdoors activity.

And now, i practice grounding therapy expansively and feel more connected with nature than ever before.

As per currently im reading a book that tells a story about Opal Whiteley and it struck me what a true Pollyanna and im curious about her and went on searching for her in the internet only to found out we had 2 days difference on our birthday.

Makes sense.

So i thought i was weird.

Being called a naturalist odds me.

Then i realized...'She' has been born before and it was Opal Whiteley.

This proves that we are all a collective being, connected with one another sans separation and time is just an illusion.

So remove the idea of us being the weirdos, freaks or left out.

We are all one.

Seperlunya saja

sengaja tidak kubahas,

karna niat mencoba untuk menjadi yang terbaik.

sengaja tidak kuhiris,

karna mungkin khilaf ku sendiri.

sengaja tidak kuterjah,

karna mungkin emosi ku melambung.

sengaja tidak kuhadapi,

karna jiwaku belum tuntas.

Namun,

ada saja disana,

diantara kerak sadar dan sabar,

menanti waktu untuk meletus,

membawa cairan inti aslinya.

maaf tidak kuperjelaskan,

maaf tidak kubongkar,

maaf tidak kuselamatkanmu.

Karna ada hal yang harus kita renungi sahaja,

bagai dedaunan terapung di atas permukaan...

...aliran air terjun tujuh tingkat arasnya.

Karna ada hal yang harus berlaku dalam bentuk asalnya,

tanpa perlu ditokok atau dilakar oleh batas pemikiran sendiri.

Dan kini,

hal yang pasti terungkai sudah,

berlarilah,

jadilah jatidirimu.

teriakanlah,

mukim dirimu.

Sehingga tanpa pagar sekalipun sempadanmu disegani.

Kini saatnya,

melihatmu didalam cermin,

biasan dirimu

dalam versi yang teratas.

U Turn

It's not a u-Turn.

It's a spiral.

There's a saying that successful people know when to quit.

Either, due to energy conserving

Or plain acceptance of certain situation instead of chasing it.

Quitting sometimes requires what we say in malay ' jilat ludah balik'

Exp. 'Aku tidak akan blk lagi ke rumah ini jangan harap aku jilat ludah ku balik', 

'sudah aku ludah takkan aku jilat balik'.

This analogy is probably about making a stand, a firm believer of our personal principle.

But what if, the argument happens at 25 years old?

Do we think the standpoint view still applies at 39 years old?

Would we still not return home after that argument with the siblings?

How are we so sure that we are 'right' at 25 years old? When at 35 we receive a blow, a life changing moment.

Would 'tidak akan jilat ludah balik pendirian' still serve us?

This is when it's required for successful people to make of what seems like a U-turn. I.e 'jilat ludah balik'

It's a conceptual matter.

Not a principle matter.

Heading back to past mistakes either to correct them or to study/experience them once more is not exactly a U-turn.

It's a spiral.

A u-turn stops at one end I.e. the beginning.

Truth is it's a spiral, because our journey still resumes, continuously evolving.

Regardless public opinion of us ; heading back to what once broke us.

Realize. We are the only one that exists in our mind.

The people we see, the ones we actually 'see' that became our close circle is basically the reflection of us.

A made up story design by our own mind, about how they act, how they perceive, what they should be doing is all filtered and processed by our mind and own only.

We exist in the range of our own universe, hence why we should heighten our knowledge through Consciousness.

We didn't see the plane when we were in a building but we heard them flying above and we saw in our mental picture either its white + red or white + blue colored plane.

Everything exists in a space of our own creation of between mind + emotion producing what we call reality.

Thus the dialectical between U turn and spiral only exists in regards of concerns we had on what others think of us.

Again it's us versus us.

U turn connotes with making mistakes.

Spiral is indeed a process. We can be wrong and then right, and then wrong again and then right again. Either way our path gets clearer, brighter and lighter as we move on.

A spiral when taking form does indeed look like a U turn, only that it does not stop.

It continues on, that's Growth.

We are beings similar like plants.

Growing above through our leaves and branches but also within our roots spreading underneath ground taking hold on the surface.

Be happy when it seems like we're turning back to past mistakes,

We are indeed on our way up to the tip of the lighthouse.

Shining bright with a view of the whole horizon while casting light towards ships and boats guiding them to where they're supposed to go.

Comfort vs Pain

~the pain of having to get up again after only 5 minutes resting on the sofa upon arrival from a long day of work.

~the monthly mental clogged in your mind when your financial plan didn't go as planned (again)

~the same goal facing detour again, this year and have to be brought forward another year. 

These are all the side effects of comfort.

The key is to change the whole concept. 

Instead of chasing comfort and getting a free ticket to depression.

How about embracing the pain of everyday living.

Accepting the pain of no rest,  realize that things don't happen to you but FOR you and have a pure innocent belief that the universe is working for you in the background.

Change the whole concept instead of pursuing, focusing, prioritizing comfort.

How about embracing Pain.

Because it is where the lesson is, the upgrades, the level up. The magic of, Growth.

Embrace pain, instead of getting a free ticket to depression, how about booking a flight to Freedom.

What happens after Millenials

 So yesterday,

I saw on my newsfeed about the new generation called Generation Beta.

It’s the generation that came after Generation Alpha (which is my youngest daughter age.)

So, it’s the birth that begins in 2025.

And I was…taken back because my first response is, I’m not even done scrutinizing about generation Z (the generation after mine- the Millennials and happens to be the generation of my two teenage angst Ayman and Tara)

I also have not figured who Generation Alpha is, what’s their strength weaknesses and all i.e., something to complain about.

And suddenly, we have Generation Beta.

So in regards of Generation Z a.k.a the Snowflake Generation (the research of my final year proposal). The generation that always intrigue me, as I have hands on experience with them and the wide differences between mine and them.

Then today this morning, I pass by a restaurant as my usual route to work, I saw an empty canister of sambal then i thought “a finished sambal”. Then I remembered when I was growing up, a lot of restaurant or food stalls have this free sambal to self-add on, on our morning breakfast noodles.

They no longer have it these days.

It struck me that the Generation Z and any generation after millennials. Might never experience, kindness. 

Or added value.

No wonder they are the way they are, Fragile.

Perhaps the Boomer stops being nice to them,

The X tend to unnoticed them.

The millennials don’t understand them.

Its annoying having to have to deal with their character, but underneath it all.

They’re a generation that need the most empathy and guidance.